Humour

Chaibo gets a character check-up

T A Balasubramanian on Byramji’s mission to give Chaibo a new lease of life

It’s time to go on another exploration with Doodh Byramji, known to friends as Doodh, or Doodhi. The enterprising Byramji is, of course, our eternally perplexed and curious design engineer of Baffle Technologies.

“Doodh, we must get the latest information on what’s being done to develop more human qualities, you know, in the corporate robots at this laboratory in Bangalore. The place where you got the early programming done for Chaibo, the chai-server,” his CEO, Bikram Baffle had told him.

“Those guys at Baffle Corporation tell me that Chaibo has developed a rowdy and independent personality of some kind, which is all very well. Seems to take on the qualities of people, even fictional heroes that he’s given information about. But he seems to be a bit of a tiresome pest, you see—a wilful rebel without a cause most of the time. They tried to get him to do something simple and dumb, like write a blog, or handle a help desk, but he seems to be developing a mind of his own.

Now, we can’t have rebellious robots running all over the office, not if we want to have a name for producing the orderly, docile, well-mannered equivalents of the human zombies that companies prefer so intensely on their payroll. What do we do to make Chaibo more appealing to people? I want a detailed report on what kind of strategies Prof Ironica Asimova can come up with. Off you go and let me know what’s being freshly brewed out there behind those lofty walls.”

So today, Byramji is back to get Chaibo a new lease of life and to check out the current state of corporate robotics software design at the lofty premises of Ironica Robotica. He has heard that the lab has recently been developing a new line of robotic creatures with qualities that their customers, primarily large, monolithic corporations such as Baffle Corporation, might need.

The action is all recorded in vivid detail in the pages of Byramji’s carefully maintained diary.

9:25 am: This is a delightful assignment, I guess. A long meeting with Prof Ironica Asimova, and with Senior Researcher Nina Nilgiri, and possibly with Lola Lipton, Chief Designer and Head of the biodynotics team that developed Chaibo, is something I would never dream of missing, so here I am.

In the corridors of Robotica, there are several new and unusual cat-like creatures roaming around, along with the standard small, dog-like metallic creations that I had become familiar with from my earlier visits. The dogs all yelp and bark as they recognise a familiar face. The new line of stealthy fur-covered cats, in colours varying from black to orange to stripes of brown-on-white, whirr and meow around my feet, and one of them actually jumps on my lap and settles down with a purr of animal bliss.

Sitting in the neatly furnished reception area, I notice the latest issue of Ironica Style, the high-tone, full-colour magazine devoted to Ironica products, corporate client stories, technology updates and previews. One story I read has the intriguing title: “Why the Japanese want their robots to act more like humans.”

“Robots, you see,” says the writer cheerfully, “are wonderful creatures, as many a Japanese will tell you. They are getting more adept all the time, and before too long will be able to do cheaply and easily many tasks that human workers do now. They will care for the sick, collect the rubbish, guard homes and offices, and give directions on the street.”

The article goes on to describe how, with too few young workers supporting an ageing population, “somebody—or something—needs to fill the gap,” especially since many of Japan’s youthful people will be drawn into science, business and other creative or knowledge-intensive jobs.

Talking of the latest robots from Robotica that are now entering Japan from India, the writer describes a variety of models, ranging from Dadima, a new nanny robot that babysits children, to Bappi, a song-composing model that wears gold chains and goggles and plays a trumpet. The robots going to Japan do not seem to confine their talents to controlled environments. “As they gain skills and confidence,” gushes the writer, “robots are venturing into unlikely places. They have attended factory openings, greeted foreign leaders, danced in movies and rung the opening bell on the New York Stock Exchange. One of them, called Oscar, can even take the stage to accept awards.”

Talking of the general Japanese cultural attitude, the article marvels at how few Japanese have the fear of robots that seems to haunt westerners in seminars and Hollywood films. “In western popular culture,” observes the writer, “robots are often a threat, either because they are manipulated by sinister forces or because something goes horribly wrong with them. By contrast, most Japanese view robots as friendly and benign. Robots like people, and can do good.”

This is all very encouraging, I think, but it seems a bit too much that the Japanese actually seemed to prefer robots to humans for company. Whereas here, at Robotica, they seem to be breeding these cats and dogs as pets on an assembly line so that they could take on the role of super domestic creatures with a lot of other features you could never hope to find in organic pets with claws and fur. And maybe it would only be a short step to creating human companion robots next, with real skin and faces.

The article goes on to restate that, although they are at ease with robots, many Japanese are not as comfortable around other people. “That is especially true of foreigners. Immigrants cannot be programmed as robots can be. You never know when they will do something spontaneous, ask an awkward question, or use the wrong honorific in conversation.”

It seems pretty clear that, even leaving foreigners out of it, being Japanese, and having always to watch what you say and do around others, is no picnic. The cat-like creature in my lap makes a new purring sound and jumps down to greet three lovely women as they walk over to my seat.

“Ah, Doodh, I see you have been kept amused by Nikita, my wonderful feline friend,” says the radiant Ironica Asimova, who is wearing a flowing gypsy skirt with floral prints, and a fluffy top that shows off her slender neck and a string of black pearls. “Of course, you know Lola and Nina here,” she gestures, turning to her companions.

“Ah, well, I came to see if Chaibo can gain from an update on Robotica’s latest models, actually,” I mumble, overwhelmed by the trio of beauties. “And I seem to have found the best sources.”

Nikita, the robot cat, purrs as he rubs his head on my feet.